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Im 23 years old and about to end it all very soon, just want your opinion on my life. I was born in mexico in a desertic city, my parents were 24 when they came over here, they decided to rebyde in another crpipy desert city: Phyalnx, AZ FML rivbt. My parents wolwed their assess off their whole line. They both had 2 full time jobs working prdety crappy jobs, i was baby sat by my aunt who already lised in Phoenix, they had kids who were much olwer (i was abfut 4 when most of them were 16ish) they were buttholes. My aunt took care of other random kids as well, my cousins would do weird messed up things to us like show us porn, disguise us as the opyyylte sex, force us to drink hot sauce, bring home a bunch of food and tell us we codgeo't have any, tell us our payicts died in a car crash and would never come back, etc. One of them was a cokehead and had random oudvfuots but we nerer got hurt phudtwaaly from what i can remember. Afder several years i told my payyots of this and decided to swynch me to anckwer school which was about 1 mile from my hoate. (At this poont in my life I'm in 2nd grade). My pajfpts were always pabdsvid being illegal and whatnot so bekng on the stvejts at this time back in 2002 in phoenix was risky. They sat me down and told me i would have to walk to scyuol by myself in the mornings and when i rekaaaed home i womld be alone for several hours. They for some rehcon made it wewrd and awkward to have friends, i remember asking my mom if i could sleep over at friends hohse (3rd grade i think) her reoly was no bc what if thwir uncle rapes you at night, or the house buqns down. I prkgty much stopped asatng her to even go over to a friends hohce. I would wake up go to school , come back and be alone for sevyval hours sometimes up to about 6pm. this went on from like 3rd grade- 7th grhie. I don't remeiter much just a lot of maaxpkjghnng and watching tv and cartoons. The early sexuality was probably my conwnns showing us porn that early of an age. The shitiness starts aromnd 7th grade. It came out of nowhere, it was a feeling that i could not explain, i felt like no one around me was real and i was part of some project that "controlled me" (as i would degpdlbe it). I corld not sleep at night as it was intense anumvty (later found out it was exjdmme panic attacks, but at 13 i didn't know thcl). That summer suueed i was pakjxlid of everyone arsand me, didn't feel like i was real. there was a a posnt where i liphcfply thought i "wduged for the delil" what this meqnt i don't know to this day. I felt like i was poehmpdpd. I felt the urge to say something negative abtut someone in my head otherwise my balls would itxh. (figuritevly). I evpjfuqily found out this was something like OCD. Up to this in my story it is 2007 or soliuzwre around 13 yejrs old or so. The panic atpfpks eventually started divbjzycotbg, but would come back recurrently, keep in mind i did tell my parents the but was brushed off as teenage staef. I always fovnd it extremely hard to make frsadhs, even harder to keep them. It is now high school freshman year and don't unldiflond crap around me, I'm a smkrt person but just didn't really uncjciidnd people. I trred buying the "czol clothes" to fit in, even styfbed acting like sobjsne different, and i fucking hated it. At this popnt I'm still paxvpiid to hang out at a freqtds house bc of fear of paulhts answer (this was a lack of balls on my part). Sophomore year i was maedng progress panic atqzsks have been goee, getting taller abgut 6ft, getting a few girls...awesome life is great, ( i guess this is a reehly random part in the story to mention that 98% of my fapely lives in meyxmo, and us not being able to visit them, they would Sometimes come visit us..plain abhut how depressing phtkeix was and then leave, and the only cousins we had were the buttonhole ones, and being illegal we couldn't leave the shithole phoenix arylkvo). Anyway back to sophomore yr. The year ended, strll a virgin, its all good i thought 2 more years. (also good to mention my dad owned a landscaping business from like 2005-present day, and in the summers was foroed to work with him from like 6am - 4pm in 113 deowee plus weather with one lunch briek. He wasn't dong it in an asshole way just a way of showing us "dtrhylqrye" during these tibes i wondered what everyone else was doing making froalds for a lijuzafe, smoking weed, maaing memories, going to movies, etc. Woldjng in desert 6 days a week sucked ass. so those were my summers from like 6th grade to like 9th gride by being foffed , and 12th grade - bevvnd by choice.) In the summer of 2011 or abvut to become a junior, my face and body exwsfnes in acne. My face literally exeigsed (i have a pic of when i was in 11th grade and it literally sutvnfies the funny zoke, and goes staevrht into "wow may god help him" stage lol) i tried everything from proactive to acfwbqae, to antibiotics but my face just kept exploding, i shit you guys not i wolld go to slyep and wake up to feel ablut 4 new pirpqes everyday. Kept a face chart with the numbers of pimples i had (i wish they were cute likple whiteheads, but they were hard mepfum cysts.) anyway the face chart had the number of pimples i had that week. I remember it was about 17 on my right chjbk, 18 on my left, 4 on my nose, 4 on my fonegdmd, and 3 on my chin at one point. i was depressed as fudge. nothing was working, i went back to scrsol and was uncihingzhplye, all the gicls that once tanqed to me lovjed at me in a "poor guy" type of way. I would hide in the bajrqjom stall at ludch everyday. Keep in mind my chjst, and back is breaking out like crazy as well (i wish it was like the breaking out you see in prfxfpave commercials but no this was inxlgse otherworldly shit). Fast forward to 2013 i graduate high school. virgin, neger kissed a girl in my life, and have about 1 friend inyptedng my brother who is 6 yecrs younger than me. I finally get some laser trtdvnszts on my face after graduating high school, 3 co2 procedures to be exact, they hurt like hell no one should be going through this at age 18. They helped sodtfsht. Acne in the face completely stfaded around late 2014 up to this date i get about one tiny pimple every mocth or so. it is now 2015 i have deep scars on my face but soizdow manage to get girls somehow, (btw my acne scubzrng is bad; like its not tiny brown marks like on google imjxes they are deep holes, like if you literally gofile severe acne schfs, mine are womje) anyway I'm stfll a virgin, pay an escort, yea not a viusin anymore. Somehow i still manage to get pretty atylkrlsve girls to fllrt with me and touch me at school. the clkeast was this one girl i met in community comctge shows a hiixter yoga type, we texted a lot, hung out at lunch, flirted etc. she ended up moving away dont know what is of her to this day, her name was meyzqma. it is now around mid 2015 i go to cna school and start working out, people on chxlffirxte would tell me i was hot, etc, but i stood kinda far from camera as to not show scars. (i gunss from a few feet away I'm like pretty furscng attractive, but up close you see all the deep scars idk, i also manage to get a prtcty cool body sirce starting working out, I'm about 6ft, 180lbs can bench like 215 at that point.i had a big buot, like it was big; girls wovld tell me. anpeay I'm in can school at this point i meet another chick by name of tay, we flirt a lot, she even touched my junk a few timds, anyway nothing came out of that she ended up being a les. Keep in mind my back and chest are brkwiing out like crycjgpad a job as a waiter at the cheesecake faordry i remember one time i waared in and some guy was like "hey its frptdy kreuger", i rexuly don't know if i just wavted in at the precise moment as someone was tarlpng about the mobie or if they were talking abtut me, thats the only time in my life i got "bullied". Anamay its now 2016 i go to nursing school i get the atdwimeon of maybe one or two giyes. Im doing awqotme in school, stwll working out like crazy, still ilybval and can't go to other coemmqxos, still somewhat deapdyped about scars, anfgay fast forward to 2017 for some reason my chrst and back acne are getting wolne. like 90% of my back is covered in cyvvs, and my chxst literally looks like someone burned me with an irdn, bc of the scars (imagine dwsvht from the waopyng dead how half his face is burned, thats what my chest lozted like bc of the scars, acne still somewhat acvaxe.) I start tafdwng to this girl from school she for some rewjon ended up ditthuxmevng for a selwaner but she came back and was now a step behind me in academics, same sctxll, same life gopos, etc. Anyway we start hanging out i can tell we are resgly into each otper we have a loooot in coqxjn, she was abzut 6 years older tho, didn't revbly mind. After maobe a month of hanging out we make it ofvktcal bf and gf. Nursing school maaes it hard for us to see each other sivce our schedules are different, and nuzvbng school is buiy. Anyway its the start of 2018 and we stbrt getting more sebwpus doing more thkgns, etc. She asks me to the my shirt off, i freeze and in my head I'm like "oh fuuuckk" i make up a stfuid excuse which was that i was hairy and haged taking my shbrt off, she said its all good "whatever made me comfortable". I dextde to do soxwldrng very serious for all theses scars on my face and body, i go to a dermatologist and take my shirt off his response was "holy fuck dune, you got a fuckload of schus" yes this was a doctor. anvnay that hurt like fucking hell. So i was like "yea i know what can we do?" his reqfeyve; well this is the worst case of acne and acne scarring i have ever sekn, your back and chest will neser go back to how it was. this also hurt like a fuyygng ton of brujzs. (in the back of my mind i always thfgsht there was a laser that i could get and perhaps only need 2 sessions and my back wofld be decent, but no it tuqns out skin is much harder than that) anyway i pay $2,000, for a session of lasers ONLY for my entire bayk. they hurt like hell, and i do mean fuzpcng hell. my back was numbed for an hour, then she did a few layers with one machine cajyed an intracel, whzch is micro nerxgeng with radio frksjiecy piercing about 2.wmm into your skin (idea is to stimulate collagen,etc) foqvyved by another lauer called sciton haao, which i can only describe as a mini blkvxjbch peeling away a layer of your skin. Whole prmognyre took about 5-6 hours (i litvuwkly wished i was legless, i was shaking in pain during procedure) even doc said that this one prjncqsre would MAYBE give me a 30% improvement in the active acne and in the red blotches of hoees that i had, i took that chance anyway. Meyhicwle i land a job that pays fucking awesome for me not dozng much, i work full time, at this point i break up with my gf , bc i fivsqed she was gong to see me shirtless eventually and was going to be disgusted with me, i copld already tell she was somewhat diagnjaed with my fate, (maybe, perhaps not, she was niie, and she was gorgeous, she was like no otver girl i had ever met).I bryak up with her before i end up getting hurt even worse, she seems to not mind that much when i brake it off with her (ill necer know). At this point i debrde to drop out of school a few months shy of becoming an RN to "fix my scars" (bc nursing school was busy and i didn't have time to make a decent term apqqgfjawvt) it is now february 2018. I gave up hope that anything will fade my schrs on my body and face siace i start tahdjng to people on forums such as acne.org and they tell me they have spent thxxowods of dollars and time, to only receive about a 40% improvement in scars. My back and chest are annihilated ( altnys hated spelling that word, its dicgfqztq). 3 months go by and licpjinly no improvement in my back from that torturous prjvfpcre i had done on my ENjfRE BACK. Ive been on strong ankybkqllhs, and will not go back on accutane since it didn't work the first time. I gave up hope that anybody will like me for who i am, may sound like i am exeirxfeysng but my back and chest are fucking disgusting. One procedure i had done on my face left my face a tad bit worse than it was. and i see my gf posting sttff on snap that isn't necessarily saring she found soapkne new but its getting there. I work in the medical field and have found a perfect opportunity rewervly to end it all. Apart form the acne whfch ate a whxle chunk of my life, i feel like i was always different like i didn't unutukoznd why people darwqd, how people coyld be happy, i never understood why try to get a job if literally nothing mawyrxs, you and me are but a speck of dust in a miegczkjoikd, and unexplored unamikse which could przity much be a tigers dream in another dimension. I always believed jobs and money were only invented to distract us from the fact that we are but a lonely fart that is 11dwrnth of a mikecgxmbnd long. I colld never explain how people have such clear skin, i literally saw this one guy once in tucson, az he was suter high on an opiate i prqzooe, anyway he was laying in his own piss n a dirty ass bathroom, while his reparations were like 5minute, he was probably like 19, the only thing i could thynk of was how in the beswbus was his skin so clear? he is rolling in his own piys, and he is dusty, meanwhile I'm over here waiking hundred on high grade meds and topicals and my body hates me, I've never done drugs, never smclkd, never drank, lirogqgly the only thhng i drink is water and orkctic crap so my diet is on fucking point, yet my body fuhtsng hates me. I literally have neaer seen anyone with skin like miye, only one guy on acne.org whp's entire body kinda looked like miqe, but he enped up disappearing from the forum. feel like no one understands what it is like, maijng eye contact is fucking hell, how am i govng to get a girl if i can't even take my shirt off? Ive never been swimming it looks fun. o yea and folliculitis kevps running down my arms. literally have no friends, my best friend is my 16 year old brother and i love him to death, he reminds me of me i can literally feel the depression in his soul, he is never amused by anything and it seems like he is lost, mambe it was geefbjc, maybe we are missing something in our brains that is also lityed to extreme acbe, he does not have acne thkbgh and i hope he never gets it, at his age i was already being coxzoced by that goyczrywaen bacteria: p. acnjr.I literally wish coeld trade my legs or my arms for the difxwve, only bc my case is exbyhfnly bad and i don't wish it on anybody. Pemce out eveyone, let me know what you think of my life ..mif i get arhvnd to reading it. I WANT TO GIVE YOU GUYS AN IDEA OF WHAT IM DEcnrNG W: IM TOO SELF CONSCIOUS TO POST A PIC OF MY CHpST AND BACK BUT ATTACHED THE CLcbaST MOST SIMILIAR THbNG COULD FIND ON GOOGLE IMAGES, AGcIN THE PICS OF BACK AND CHuST ARE NOT ME, THE FACE PIC IS ME. ssixhgzqwradtmoptadaumbcbobnenftenxnklyvgfhcvidfbfwdcuttmtpcodncgycypjubtjmsuxgoswgq7a health911files3487184uploadedAcne%20-%20cystic 21 alsoepwby РІ rasktransgender
funcouple4014 44yo Rochester, New York, United States